Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Live. Laugh. Love. Cry.
I scrubbed my grout today. Not only because I am insanely OCD, and it was dirty, but because I wanted to stop my mind from thinking. My thoughts are going a million miles an hour. My brain feels like the post office in North Pole, Alaska on Christmas, more thoughts and feelings are coming in then I can sort through. This time last year I was working my ass off, enjoying my family, coping with the loss of my uncle Ken, and genuinely loving life. Around this time last year I was sitting with my grandparents, my mom, my mom's husband, my aunt, and my hubby. Today I did the same thing, but this time was different. This time my whole family was gathered, wearing their best black attire, and my grandmother known as "Mama" was lying in a casket. She laid there looking so peaceful with her blanket, pictures of loved ones, roses, and a kitty cat Ty Beanie Baby. Everyone one was living, breathing, knowing this was the last time we would see Mama, laughing at different stories of Mama, loving each other with everything we have, and crying. Crying because Mama was no longer with us, crying because we were happy Mama was no longer suffering, crying because life is precious, and some of us were just crying. Mama passed away after months of suffering on Saturday, October 30th 2010. It is just like Mama to pass on Halloween weekend, she always told me she would go out with a "bang" and surprise everyone. She did just that. So as a family we will get closer, we will love harder, just for Mama. In my life I have at least one person pass away every year, it never fails. I don't know why it happens, what I do know is, it makes me live stronger, laugh often, love harder, and cry when I need to and not bottle it in. Everyone learns life's lessons differently, and I will continue to learn mine which ever way I need to. It does hurt so badly to keep losing people I love, but with the love and pain I can continue to grow and help the world and people around me with my knowledge and experience. So my lovely readers, go hug someone, tell them you love them and learn that love is stronger than we know and life is shorter than we care to admit.