Monday, April 18, 2011


I sat in the bathroom with mascara running down my face at 1 in the morning, I was begging for a bone to be tossed my way. I was on my knees just begging and praying for help. It's been a long time since I have pleaded to our higher power that hard. I needed an opportunity so I could fix my situation. I didn't want it to be fixed for me, but I needed fixing it to be possible. Sure enough a few days later a friend told me to apply at his job and next thing I know I am going over job terms and signing paperwork. That was my bone, now I have to chew it responsibly and find the best place to bury it. Part of me is so ecstatic that my prayers were answered, but another part of me is overly cautious and worried that I will or have made the wrong choice(s). In the past we have made some bad decisions that have led us to where we are, and I am terrified I will make or allow those same things to repeat themselves. I am so extremely ready to have our own house under our names, have a paid off car (and keep it), have a steady income, and all that so we can finally move on in our lives, start a family and live. I feel like the stage of life I am in right now is one where I make or break my future. I need to set all the pieces in the right places now so I can have a beautiful future. I know what I have done to get myself into the position I am in now, I also know what I need to change to prevent it from happening again. Now I just need to find the strength to do so. I am proud of myself for all that I have learned and all that I have accomplished, but I am also proud of myself for realizing that there is no one else to blame for where I am or where I have been. I am working very hard on being the bigger person in some situations and not reacting to people trying to trigger me to react. Overall though I am very happy, nervous, but happy. I am so extremely thankful for what I have, and the power I have to make things better.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


I swear I didn't abandon you all. I haven't been able to find that creativity that usually is flowing so fluently inside me. I have been dealing with a lot lately and it can overwhelm me if I let it, which for awhile there I did. A lot of the crap I have had going on is due to assuming, either me assuming or someone else. I can't stand assuming and I hate that I do it every now and then. People like to assume they know what is going on with certain situations, or with things I will say or do. It's very annoying. It's like a story my hubs was telling me the other day. I guess when him and his dad where doing a job (they are plumbers/installers) this lady kept trying to finish their sentences, but of course kept getting it wrong. It is extremely annoying when people do things like that. If you do that to people, you might want to consider stopping. If someone does it to you do what I always do, tell them one of these options: A)"Do you want to know what I was going to say or do you just want to pretend you know what I was going to say?" B) or swap out "say" in option A with whatever word fits the situation. C) "Since you already know what I was going to say, will you hurry and have this conversation in your head because it is obviously a waste of my time." Make sure to say this in a very sarcastic tone.
Those options usually get the point across pretty well.

Anyways, I think I blame the weather for my lack of creativity. I hate Salt Lake City for its extreme weather changes all year long. SLC has its own little climate due to the fact we're pretty much in a bowl. We have mountains surrounding us every way so humidity, pollution, heat, etc. gets trapped in our "bowl" causing crazy things to happen. Lately we have been enjoying this every other day of 70 degrees of pure sunshine then the next day its 30 degrees and snowing. It's pretty ridiculous if you ask me. The more this weather goes crazy the more I question our decision of cancelling our plans to move to Vegas last year. We were so close to doing it (2 months away to be exact) and we changed plans last second.
Well, I am off to the doctors soon, I promise I will post more now. :)