Secret Hiding Spot

You know the feeling where you are in a room full of people who are laughing, smiling and enjoying each other, but yet you feel so alone? I had that feeling the other day. It was one of those times I had to escape to my secret hiding spot, I felt my heart pounding through out my entire body, my stomach threatening to vomit, my palms sweating, and I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin. At the last second my subconscious allowed me to run away. I ran away to my secret hiding spot, the one you can only get to by zoning out and letting your subconscious thoughts take over. I sat there letting my mind take over, running to my secret hiding spot, while I clinched my jaw and begged for my eyes not cry and my mouth not to scream. To other people it just looks like I am starring at something inquisitively, then they ask if I am OK and I have to snap back to reality, and pull some excuse out of my ass as to why I am starring at something for 5 minutes straight. When I finally snap back into my normal fully aware self, and I quickly realize I need to bail on this seemingly happy place, run far, get out of there before my heart shatters into a million pieces like a vase during an earthquake. I got out of there, as my mind runs away from all that is there, the stuff I very often shove into some virtual drawer that I avoid like the swine flu. Then finally my brain tells my body, "You can breathe now, it's OK, you will be OK."


We all have moments like that, where you just can't possibly take any more. It is OK to run, get out of there like a bat out of hell. One day I will empty that virtual drawer, sort through it all, decide what I should do with each individual article, but today is simply not that day. The next morning after my anxiety-filled night, nature decided to offer me an amazing sunset to ease my pain. It calmed me and let me know that even when I can't tell up from down, that I will survive.