Inspired.

Life has been hectic as hell, but I wouldn't change it for anything. There's so much going on right now. Some times I get caught up in it all, my minds starts going a million miles an hour, I start panicking, and just when I feel like saying "fuck it" and giving up, I remember to breathe. I'm in love with life, I always have been and always will be. Some times I lose my ways but then I remember to breathe and soak up life. When I start feeling life's pressures too much I go sit outside. I look at the mountains, feel the sunshine, absorb the sounds of life and it centers me right back to where I need to be. I have felt so lucky lately. Life is really turning around and it just keeps getting better. Once again lovelies thanks for reading! You guys freaking rock!

Lookin' on up :)

Things are really looking up for me, like every aspect of my life is so much better. The other day I was pondering why things had all the sudden changed from bad to good. What I realized is the only thing that changed is myself. I put in the time and effort to work through some stuff I needed to and now my outlook on life is so much better. I think that change in myself caused me to work harder to achieve my goals and dreams. For the first time in quite awhile I can say that I am truly happy and satisfied with my life and the path its headed down. I'm excited to move on in life with my career, my education, my relationship, my friendships, and my future. I have made some really awesome friends recently and I am very thankful for that. I am looking forward to doing all the things I have wanted to and I look forward to what comes next. I don't really want to be one of those annoying preaching people but I really believe that in order to be happy with your life you need to work on yourself. I did and still am and it has helped a million times over. Don't rely on other people to make you happy, and don't wait for some magical fix. In order to be happy with life you need to be happy with yourself.

Well lovelies I will update you again with hopefully good news. As always thanks for reading and being there for me. I really appreciate all of you and I am proud to announce that my blog is being read in 10 countries on a regular basis. That is amazing to me and I can't believe how far this little blog of mine has made it. I am going to try to start posting more often again.

Quick Shoutout

I just wanted to thank all my readers for reading and referring my blog.

Here's a list of sites/blogs that have referred me. Thanks everyone I really appreciate it :)

Removing Road Blocks
Molly Campbell
iheartfaces
Life Rearranged
The Happrnings In My Life

Thanks again everyone!

Happiness :)

I feel it in my blood, in my body, in my soul. It's this passion that just fuels me, and keeps me who I am. I call it my Jaz-ness. It's the part of me that is fun loving, energetic, happy, and always having a fabulous time. I have missed that part of me and I am more than happy to have it back. I love the fact that the way I am so happy and upbeat fuels others around me. For awhile I wondered if I was ever going to get my Jaz-ness back and here I am probably the happiest person alive just because I can be. I was so touched the other day when I was told that people look forward to seeing me because I am always fun and make everyone laugh. That means a lot to me. I am not saying I am trying to impress by any means, but I am glad to be the one that lifts others moods. I might be totally ditsy, easily distracted, and easily confused, or whatever else you want to call me but what matters is I have fun with life, even if that requires me to laugh at myself multiple times a day. I love being me and all being me entails, the up's and the down's. I know that everything I am going through is worth it and even if it isn't now, it will be. I don't regret anything in life because even the bad shit I have been through means the world to me. I am finally to the point in my life where I have learned to appreciate everything that has and will happen to me. Without all the bullshit that has happened in my life I wouldn't be who I am or have who I have. My friends (who are more like family) mean the world to me and I am the luckiest person on earth to have them around me. I am so extremely happy with my life. I have the best co-workers, friends, family, and life. Seriously, my life is amazing, might not be perfect but it's still pretty f'ing fabulous. And I can't forget you guys, my readers lovelies, you guys have been here with me through a lot and hopefully you will all continue to be here for me. :)

The dancing lady.

When I was 12 I lived in these apartments in the ghetto of east side Utah. Well one night I was sitting outside (big surprise I know) and this ladies came leaping and dancing up to me. She was clearly high. She told me to get up and dance with her. She said all she wanted in life was to be happy, free, and to dance when she wants to. Unfortunately for her I wasn't high for once. I got weirded out told her no and said have fun and went inside. About 30 minutes later the I went back outside, as I laid there peacefully relaxing, sirens filled the air. Next thing I know there's cops, paramedics and firemen everywhere. They all scurried up to the dancer's apartment. I was thinking someone called the cops cuz the drugs she had. Next thing I know I see the paramedics with.a stretcher complete with a body bag leave the apartment. I being a drug addict (at the time) knew what had happened. She got too high and decided to get just a little higher. That never ends well.

Tonight I was just sitting on my porch (we are all shocked don't worry), I had music playing on my phone and for some reason started thinking about the dancer lady. I started to realize that she died completely happy. She might not have been happy sober or deep down inside but I was the last person to see her alive and I can honestly say she was happy. She was so free and in love with the moment so what better to do than dance? I can honestly say I am as happy as she was now, lucky for me it has nothing to do with ecstasy or any other drug. Next time I dance I am going to be dancing for the happiest dancing woman I have ever met.

The flu in May?!

Yep, you read it right lovelies. Me and my "special" immune system caught the flu...in May. I thought I lucked out because the most I got in the winter was a cold, but apparently it was just waiting to hit me with it's best shot. So during a fabulous puking my guts up episode I apparently thought it would be a good idea to tear up my throat pretty fabulously, btw it's pretty f'ing painful. Now I am sitting here debating whether to drink a cup of hot cocoa for the 1,000th time today, to try taking a few teaspoons of honey, or to eat yet another throat drop things. I originally thought of just banging my head off this stool next to me but decided that probably wouldn't be very productive let alone soothing. Add the 2 1/2 days of work I missed to the shitty feeling I have right now and it equals me not being very happy with my immune system. Never mind the 5 hour, morphine filled emergency room trip I got to enjoy on Monday.

Anyways, I applied for a writing job that I am kinda excited about. It doesn't pay too much, but it will slowly fill my savings account back up. So it would be beyond splendid if I got that. Also we are getting super close to our wedding day and I am getting uber excited for it. I was beginning to think we would never get married. Not sure what we will do after marriage, besides get a new place. We are thinking about starting the adoption classes so when we are ready to (mentally and financially) we can adopt. That will be fun, especially since I am super strange and love filling out paperwork and with the adoption process you get tons and tons of papers to fill out. So yeah, that where everything is right now and I am going to go get my car wreck of a throat some relief. Talk to you lovelies soon!

Baby, I am coming home!

And you thought I would never come back. I could never leave my lovelies! Don't ever think I am going to abandon you again, OK? Pinkie promise. OK so my fabulous readers time for me to update. Everyone ready? Drum roll please (this is the part where you make a drum roll before reading, btw)....

Well I am loving my life right now. I seriously am happy. I told you all 2011 was going to be amazing, and so far it is pretty f'ing spectacular! So as we all know I got a job, the hubs has started a new *old* job (he's back at Pizza Hut for the 5th time) and we finally got another car. I also finally found out that I am anemic and lacking the good old vitamin D. I feel amazing now that I am taking vitamins. I couldn't be happier that winter finally pissed off. Oh wait I forgot to tell you all the most exciting part, the hubs and I are finally getting legally married! After five and a half years together. We are getting married July 9th. Then we will be moving later this year and the hubs plans on going back to school. Also you guys are going to be super proud of me, I know I am. So there was like high school girl drama going on (I have no idea why there is drama involving me at work when I have only been there for a month *rolls eyes*) but instead of freaking out on these two girls, I kept my cool after realizing that freaking out on them is just stooping as low as them. So I calmly called one of the girls and talked things out (OK so I was brutally honest, but I don't think I was being a bitch). I have really been working hard on thinking before speaking and it's been helping sooo much.

Well lovelies, I am going to let you all absorb that while I keep working on updating the blog design.

P.S. Isn't the song playing the cutest song ever?!