Quick Shoutout

I just wanted to thank all my readers for reading and referring my blog.

Here's a list of sites/blogs that have referred me. Thanks everyone I really appreciate it :)

Removing Road Blocks
Molly Campbell
iheartfaces
Life Rearranged
The Happrnings In My Life

Thanks again everyone!

Happiness :)

I feel it in my blood, in my body, in my soul. It's this passion that just fuels me, and keeps me who I am. I call it my Jaz-ness. It's the part of me that is fun loving, energetic, happy, and always having a fabulous time. I have missed that part of me and I am more than happy to have it back. I love the fact that the way I am so happy and upbeat fuels others around me. For awhile I wondered if I was ever going to get my Jaz-ness back and here I am probably the happiest person alive just because I can be. I was so touched the other day when I was told that people look forward to seeing me because I am always fun and make everyone laugh. That means a lot to me. I am not saying I am trying to impress by any means, but I am glad to be the one that lifts others moods. I might be totally ditsy, easily distracted, and easily confused, or whatever else you want to call me but what matters is I have fun with life, even if that requires me to laugh at myself multiple times a day. I love being me and all being me entails, the up's and the down's. I know that everything I am going through is worth it and even if it isn't now, it will be. I don't regret anything in life because even the bad shit I have been through means the world to me. I am finally to the point in my life where I have learned to appreciate everything that has and will happen to me. Without all the bullshit that has happened in my life I wouldn't be who I am or have who I have. My friends (who are more like family) mean the world to me and I am the luckiest person on earth to have them around me. I am so extremely happy with my life. I have the best co-workers, friends, family, and life. Seriously, my life is amazing, might not be perfect but it's still pretty f'ing fabulous. And I can't forget you guys, my readers lovelies, you guys have been here with me through a lot and hopefully you will all continue to be here for me. :)

The dancing lady.

When I was 12 I lived in these apartments in the ghetto of east side Utah. Well one night I was sitting outside (big surprise I know) and this ladies came leaping and dancing up to me. She was clearly high. She told me to get up and dance with her. She said all she wanted in life was to be happy, free, and to dance when she wants to. Unfortunately for her I wasn't high for once. I got weirded out told her no and said have fun and went inside. About 30 minutes later the I went back outside, as I laid there peacefully relaxing, sirens filled the air. Next thing I know there's cops, paramedics and firemen everywhere. They all scurried up to the dancer's apartment. I was thinking someone called the cops cuz the drugs she had. Next thing I know I see the paramedics with.a stretcher complete with a body bag leave the apartment. I being a drug addict (at the time) knew what had happened. She got too high and decided to get just a little higher. That never ends well.

Tonight I was just sitting on my porch (we are all shocked don't worry), I had music playing on my phone and for some reason started thinking about the dancer lady. I started to realize that she died completely happy. She might not have been happy sober or deep down inside but I was the last person to see her alive and I can honestly say she was happy. She was so free and in love with the moment so what better to do than dance? I can honestly say I am as happy as she was now, lucky for me it has nothing to do with ecstasy or any other drug. Next time I dance I am going to be dancing for the happiest dancing woman I have ever met.

The flu in May?!

Yep, you read it right lovelies. Me and my "special" immune system caught the flu...in May. I thought I lucked out because the most I got in the winter was a cold, but apparently it was just waiting to hit me with it's best shot. So during a fabulous puking my guts up episode I apparently thought it would be a good idea to tear up my throat pretty fabulously, btw it's pretty f'ing painful. Now I am sitting here debating whether to drink a cup of hot cocoa for the 1,000th time today, to try taking a few teaspoons of honey, or to eat yet another throat drop things. I originally thought of just banging my head off this stool next to me but decided that probably wouldn't be very productive let alone soothing. Add the 2 1/2 days of work I missed to the shitty feeling I have right now and it equals me not being very happy with my immune system. Never mind the 5 hour, morphine filled emergency room trip I got to enjoy on Monday.

Anyways, I applied for a writing job that I am kinda excited about. It doesn't pay too much, but it will slowly fill my savings account back up. So it would be beyond splendid if I got that. Also we are getting super close to our wedding day and I am getting uber excited for it. I was beginning to think we would never get married. Not sure what we will do after marriage, besides get a new place. We are thinking about starting the adoption classes so when we are ready to (mentally and financially) we can adopt. That will be fun, especially since I am super strange and love filling out paperwork and with the adoption process you get tons and tons of papers to fill out. So yeah, that where everything is right now and I am going to go get my car wreck of a throat some relief. Talk to you lovelies soon!

Baby, I am coming home!

And you thought I would never come back. I could never leave my lovelies! Don't ever think I am going to abandon you again, OK? Pinkie promise. OK so my fabulous readers time for me to update. Everyone ready? Drum roll please (this is the part where you make a drum roll before reading, btw)....

Well I am loving my life right now. I seriously am happy. I told you all 2011 was going to be amazing, and so far it is pretty f'ing spectacular! So as we all know I got a job, the hubs has started a new *old* job (he's back at Pizza Hut for the 5th time) and we finally got another car. I also finally found out that I am anemic and lacking the good old vitamin D. I feel amazing now that I am taking vitamins. I couldn't be happier that winter finally pissed off. Oh wait I forgot to tell you all the most exciting part, the hubs and I are finally getting legally married! After five and a half years together. We are getting married July 9th. Then we will be moving later this year and the hubs plans on going back to school. Also you guys are going to be super proud of me, I know I am. So there was like high school girl drama going on (I have no idea why there is drama involving me at work when I have only been there for a month *rolls eyes*) but instead of freaking out on these two girls, I kept my cool after realizing that freaking out on them is just stooping as low as them. So I calmly called one of the girls and talked things out (OK so I was brutally honest, but I don't think I was being a bitch). I have really been working hard on thinking before speaking and it's been helping sooo much.

Well lovelies, I am going to let you all absorb that while I keep working on updating the blog design.

P.S. Isn't the song playing the cutest song ever?!

Hope.

I sat in the bathroom with mascara running down my face at 1 in the morning, I was begging for a bone to be tossed my way. I was on my knees just begging and praying for help. It's been a long time since I have pleaded to our higher power that hard. I needed an opportunity so I could fix my situation. I didn't want it to be fixed for me, but I needed fixing it to be possible. Sure enough a few days later a friend told me to apply at his job and next thing I know I am going over job terms and signing paperwork. That was my bone, now I have to chew it responsibly and find the best place to bury it. Part of me is so ecstatic that my prayers were answered, but another part of me is overly cautious and worried that I will or have made the wrong choice(s). In the past we have made some bad decisions that have led us to where we are, and I am terrified I will make or allow those same things to repeat themselves. I am so extremely ready to have our own house under our names, have a paid off car (and keep it), have a steady income, and all that so we can finally move on in our lives, start a family and live. I feel like the stage of life I am in right now is one where I make or break my future. I need to set all the pieces in the right places now so I can have a beautiful future. I know what I have done to get myself into the position I am in now, I also know what I need to change to prevent it from happening again. Now I just need to find the strength to do so. I am proud of myself for all that I have learned and all that I have accomplished, but I am also proud of myself for realizing that there is no one else to blame for where I am or where I have been. I am working very hard on being the bigger person in some situations and not reacting to people trying to trigger me to react. Overall though I am very happy, nervous, but happy. I am so extremely thankful for what I have, and the power I have to make things better.

Update

I swear I didn't abandon you all. I haven't been able to find that creativity that usually is flowing so fluently inside me. I have been dealing with a lot lately and it can overwhelm me if I let it, which for awhile there I did. A lot of the crap I have had going on is due to assuming, either me assuming or someone else. I can't stand assuming and I hate that I do it every now and then. People like to assume they know what is going on with certain situations, or with things I will say or do. It's very annoying. It's like a story my hubs was telling me the other day. I guess when him and his dad where doing a job (they are plumbers/installers) this lady kept trying to finish their sentences, but of course kept getting it wrong. It is extremely annoying when people do things like that. If you do that to people, you might want to consider stopping. If someone does it to you do what I always do, tell them one of these options: A)"Do you want to know what I was going to say or do you just want to pretend you know what I was going to say?" B) or swap out "say" in option A with whatever word fits the situation. C) "Since you already know what I was going to say, will you hurry and have this conversation in your head because it is obviously a waste of my time." Make sure to say this in a very sarcastic tone.
Those options usually get the point across pretty well.

Anyways, I think I blame the weather for my lack of creativity. I hate Salt Lake City for its extreme weather changes all year long. SLC has its own little climate due to the fact we're pretty much in a bowl. We have mountains surrounding us every way so humidity, pollution, heat, etc. gets trapped in our "bowl" causing crazy things to happen. Lately we have been enjoying this every other day of 70 degrees of pure sunshine then the next day its 30 degrees and snowing. It's pretty ridiculous if you ask me. The more this weather goes crazy the more I question our decision of cancelling our plans to move to Vegas last year. We were so close to doing it (2 months away to be exact) and we changed plans last second.
Well, I am off to the doctors soon, I promise I will post more now. :)