I triple dog dare you!

A very simple, yet very meaningful quote my uncle once said to me is....
“How do you know?”

Right now you're thinking “What the hell? Why is that so meaningful?”
Well it starts out like this, I found out I was moving from St. George, Utah where I lived with my uncle back to Salt Lake City with my mom. I remember when my uncle told me I told him “That's stupid and it sucks!” He very calmly asked me “How do you know?” back then I was thinking what you were thinking and very possibly are still thinking....”What the hell?”
Now I sit here with a million things running through my mind like Corona when she's had too much sugar...remind me to never give her whip cream again. I started thinking about how right now I would have been living in a beautiful house with my pets and Joe in Las Vegas. I made some choices that made that plan extinct. I thought today “I am still in this damn state, nothings changed, and I royally messed things up. This sucks!” My uncle's infamous question popped into my head, so I asked myself “How do I know?” I got to thinking about it, how do I know that we wouldn't have moved to Las vegas and been even more royally screwed than we are now? I think about how if we had moved down there I wouldn't have had become friends with the two most amazing friends I could ever ask for, I can't imagine my life without my two best friends Marelin and Nate. I love them, I know they will be in my life forever. So now going back to me, asking myself “How do I know?” Well I guess I don't, I don't even slightly know. I have realized that I love my insane, constantly difficult, catch 22, humorous, family and friend filled life. Yes at times it does drive me crazy that most my friend's have their own house, are married, have kids, have a more than stable financial situation, and more. But what they don't have is the amazing life I have, I get to laugh every day because my family and friends are hilarious even when they aren't trying. I get to awake up in the middle of the night to laugh when Corona got bored and stole our blanket and Joe is confused on how the blanket just went missing, while Corona is doing the cutest dog laugh in the world. I get to laugh when Corona drops her bone in the toilet and makes Joe spend 15 minutes trying to get it out. I get the joy of going to the store and while sitting in the line I decide to grab Corona a sucker, only to later look at my receipt and realize it says I bought “Leslie's ass”. I am happy, some times I may not show it but deep down I am always smiling. There's a lot of people around me (and everyone else in this world) who start drama for their personal enjoyment. When someone says something hurtful to me I no longer feel bad for me, I hurt for them, because to me it is heart wrenching that in order for them to feel happiness they have to hurt others. They are too blind to see that this world we live in is full of happiness and beauty. I hope that one day they can feel the happiness I do, no matter what they did to me. If everyone felt happiness we couldn't be mean.

Every day I sit out on my front porch with Corona, and every day the little neighbor girl Charly, who is around 4 years old, opens her garage, plays the radio nice and loud and demands I watch her dance. After she dances for awhile she comes over and asks if she can pet Shadow, and every day I have to explain that Shadow went to heaven, and this is Ona. Now I just let her believe that Corona is Shadow, maybe when she is a little older she will understand better, but for now if petting “Shadow” is what makes her happy who am I to ruin that? Anyways, everyday when she puts on her little dance show I wonder what happens when we become adults? Why don't we just randomly break out in dance because we are happy, and we really love this song? When we become adults we become up tight-constantly stressing-worrying about something machines. So lets do this old school style......
I triple dog dare you to just dance, no matter the reason, even if you are as cool of a dancer as Joe, or as awesome as my sister-in-law Brandy, just dance. And even "Bleed out rainbows" (Charly's brother Bridger's rule) if you want. I triple dog dare you....so as Charly says “That means you HAVE to!”

Sucking every bit of sunshine from black clouds...

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't posted recently. I found out a few days ago that my grandma is in the hospital. She has been very sick lately and her brain has shrunk quite a bit and she is now under 100 lbs. She has a lot of memory loss and the doctors just found out she has Pneumonia too. It's hard to Say if she is going to make it, and if she does she will have to be in a nursing home for the rest of her life. I am hoping she makes a little longer since her first great grand child is going to be born any day and she was very excited about that. I am still trying to deal with the loss of my uncle (father figure), he passed a little over a year ago. I really can't handle another death any time soon. So here is my best attempt at sucking out any bit of happiness out of this black clouds and lightening situation...

When I was in 3rd grade I lived with my grandparents. My grandparents are very classy, elegant, proper people. I remember they were very strict with me. One day it raining and my grandma never drives in bad weather so she stayed home from work. She came downstairs to my room and said "Sadie, do you want to stay home from school today and have a girls' day?" I got excited and of course said yes. That day was one of the best days. We sat in bed, ate sweets, ordered tons of stuff from QVC, talked about life, played with her dogs, and just had good quality time together. I loved that grandma and I had our own super, special, secret girls' day! She let me play a casino game with her, I even got to choose names for her hundreds of beanie babies, she taught me how to apply make up in a classy "timeless" way that she does. That day I remember her telling me "Dear God, when I die if someone dares bury me in polka dots I will haunt them for the rest of their life!" At the time I was so young I didn't realize how important that sentence would be. There's one thing I know about my grandmother and that is, she dresses very classy and CAN'T stand bad fashion! So today I sat in bed thinking about my grandma and I started to cry as I thought of that wonderful day. I learned so much. I was mostly crying tears of sadness, but every now and then I would laugh or smile as I remember that day and her. Now I sit her wondering if I am going to have to find the perfect burial outfit for my grandma soon, and how on earth am I going to convince everyone that it is what she wanted and she will haunt you if you put her in anything else.
My uncle died from lou gehrigs (sp?) disease. A few months before he passed he came to salt lake to visit me and the rest of our family. We went to a nursing home where he was staying. I couldn't help but realize he was the youngest one there and that he would probably be the first to die too. We sat there and had conversations, all of them avoiding the unfortunate obvious fact that death will occur soon. I sat there trying my hardest not to cry and I wouldn't/couldn't talk about what was going to happen. After about an hour my uncle said he was getting tired and needed to rest, my aunt told him to let me go with him, but he refused because he didn't want me to see him hooked to machines. I so badly wish I could go back and tell him it doesn't matter and that I so badly want to spend as much time as possible with him, but I didn't say that then because I couldn't stand being weak and vulnerable. That was the last time I saw him, and every single day I regret not saying what I was thinking.
Fast forward to now. My grandma is sitting in the hospital possibly going to die and I haven't visited her. I keep coming up with excuses even though we all know the real reason is because I fear emotion and things I don't have control over. I try to talk myself into going but I think what if I cry and can't stop or what if she sees how upset I am and it upsets her. I don't want to make the same mistake again, but I seem to be going down the same path.

Thanks for reading, hopefully my next post will be a little more upbeat. I will leave you all with the words that have been running through my head for the past week or so...
Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Completely Content!

It is completely quiet in here (besides the sounds of our fish tanks), everyone is sleeping besides my 4 goldfish who are digging up the plant seeds in their tank. Joe is sleeping like a baby....

Corona is dead asleep and for once not snoring....

I imagine she is dreaming about the sausage biscuits she saw on TV earlier...

My rats Gianna and Tessa are cuddled up sleeping together (sorry I couldn't get a better picture, I was trying not to wake anyone)....

Even my Betta Teal and my frog Twinkle are sleeping....


As I sit here I can smell Corona's feet, which as odd as it sounds smell like warm Doritos chips, not to mention she has the cutest little, soft, ticklish feet around....


So now I sit here feeling horribly sick from the flu, but I am still very, very happy and type, I will tell you all about my adventures this week. Something incredible happened this weekend, I finally got a picture of "Catcoon". Some places worry about big foot or chupracabras, or lake monsters, but here in my neighborhood we have the Catcoon. This "cat" is believed to be half cat half raccoon, it is very aggressive, but oh so cute! So I present to you all....The Catcoon!




I have been trying to get good pictures of Catcoon (which is most likely an inbred cat) for weeks.
OK on to another fun overload.....
Here in Salt lake city people aren't friendly, have barely any compassion, and are fairly antisocial, but there are 3 things that bring this county together: 1. Gay Pride Festival (which is uber fun and I will get tons of pictures of it in spring 2011) 2. A tragedy (such as the fire we had last week) 3. The Utah Utes (our university football team that kicks some major ass)!
Last night we went to the game where over 45,000 people sat and cheered for the same thing. This is what I look for in a community is closeness. Over 45,000 people from different walks of life joined in one place with one common goal...the Utes kicking some major ass! The night before the game Joe asked me to shave his head (which I do every few weeks), so I offered to shave the "U" (utes logo) in his hair so here are the results, and yes I did this with the electric trimmers....

Then before the game I painted his face for him (this picture was taken in the middle of the game so due to the hot weather there's some sweat/sunglasses marks)....

Now out of all the fans there, in this picture I circled the opposing teams seats....

Yep, that's right, there was probably less than 100 other fans.
Here's the rest of the pictures....






And last but not least here's some pictures of Corona.....
I love when they cuddle, it screams peace and love!

I am not too sure why she sleeps like this, but she does almost every single night.

She loves to go under our blanket and play.


I love when she rests her head on me!

Here she is licking her chops and drooling on me because I am eating candy....

Now she gives me the strategically planned pouty lip....

Then she acts like she doesn't even care that I am not sharing....

And then I finally give her the box with 3 candies left over, and it makes her day! Sorry the picture is blurry, she wouldn't sit still.


Thanks for reading everyone! I am going to go relax and hope I get feeling better!

And all I hear is crickets....

I love nights like this, it's a great temperature. I am sitting in one of my favorite places...my front porch, sitting with my fab in-laws, and fiance. Its a beautiful clear sky, I can see all the stars shining brightly back at me. I can just hear crickets chirping until their little hearts are content. What did I do to deserve nights like this? What ever it was I want to do it again. In the midst of life's worries, stresses, and disappointments, there are nights like these to make up for it. This night reassures me that fall will come, the leaves will turn to a beautiful array of colors, the crisp smell of fall, beautiful orange pumpkins that will turn into great decor and even better food. All this begs me to come outside and remember this is what life is about. The bills can sit in envelopes, being completely ignored for just a little longer. This is life's way of saying "Jaz, get your ass out of the house, and enjoy life because its worth enjoying!"

Family and friends can straight up piss you off, they will hurt you, love you, make you cry, make you laugh, but no matter what they will be there. I am a high believer in "Family is who you make it". I know not everyone gets to have biological family around them for various reasons, but its up to you to create your family. You are in charge of how you're life will play out. Sick of all the drama? Get rid of it, I know there's no way to get rid of all drama, but you can get rid of most of it.
I can testify that my family, which is made up of various people, will completely piss me off at some point or another. Nights like this remind me to do whatever it takes to fix it, and keep life moving, happy, and enjoyable.

Quit dwelling on all the bad stuff that happened in your life. It's done it's over with. At this point you are just stuck in a revolving door. The funny thing about revolving doors are they tempt you to go in them, YOU enter them, YOU have to keep them moving, when YOU stop the door will too. So quit pushing on the door and hoping something else will be on the other side when you go around again, just get out and experience what the place that door leads to is all about.

The tiny bug

I was having a bad day, so I decided to take a shower to help me relax. As I was sitting on the shower floor letting hot water splash off me, I looked to my left to see a tiny little bug. The bug was the size of the tip of a needle, and a charcoal grey. I wondered where he came from, how he got in the shower, what he was looking for, and what he was. He was walking towards the corner where the tile on the wall meets the tub. There's a little hole in the caulk (most likely caused by an air bubble) which was probably a safe place, out of the water for him to be. All of the sudden he turned and headed towards the first small edge/drop-off (where the over flow drain is located) that leads to the main drop-off. There I am hoping this little bug turns around to head towards safety. He's so tiny there's no way for me to save him without squishing him. So I block the water from hitting him, and for a few seconds he sits there as if he was trying to figure out what to do. My heart is pounding, I really don't want him to die. He starts walking through water droplets, which I thought for sure he'd drown in. Then he stops again. At this point I only can hope he makes the right choice so he doesn't die. Out of no where he leaps off the the ledge and is now in serious danger. He is now is the corner in the tub trying to climb back up but can't. This kills me, I so badly wish there was a way I could help him to safety, but I know I would squish him. I think about whether or not to squish him to just take him out of his misery so he won't suffer while drowning, but then I remember my uncle Ken. Ken was the closest thing I will ever have to a dad, he had Lou Gehrigs, and he was suffering incredibly but he never wanted to die. He wanted to spend all the time he could reflecting on life, spending time with loved ones and doing what he did best, changing people's lives for the better. I just couldn't squish the bug. He eventually gave up and the water washed him down the drain. As crazy as this sounds this bug taught me a lot in a very short amount of time. He taught me: One wrong move can drastically change you're situation, we put ourselves into the situations we're in and we shouldn't blame anyone or anything else, some times you have to sit back and let nature do it's thing no matter how bad it hurts, and last but not least love with all your heart and enjoy life because you have no idea when it will end. R.I.P. Tiny Bug and Ken.


Also I would like to let everyone know, I am going to start changing my blog design often so make sure you check it out often.

Good bye blonde!

Good bye blonde!

Now for a little red....
(it prevents my hair from turning green)





Now for the final color! Hello chocolate fabulousness!

Quick post

So I thought I would share some cute pics of my little Ona-Burona's (aka Corona) 3rd birthday including a homemade cake and cupcakes!


I promise she didn't hate the hat, she was just mad I was taking pictures instead of giving her the cookie I was holding!











The recipe for the cake batter is

2 cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup peanut butter (I used chunky)
1/4 cup baby food (read the ingredients! make sure there is no onion powder, grapes or other foods dogs have. stage 1 is usually safe for dogs)
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 cups shredded carrot or lunch meat (or do half and half)
2 tsp vanilla
2/3 cups vanilla
2 eggs

frosting is cottage cheese (you can use food coloring if desired)

Preheat oven to 350 F
Mix together flour & baking soda, then add remaining ingredients.
pour into desired greased pan.
Cook until you can put a tooth pick in middle and it comes out clean, or edges are golden brown.
Cool, then spread cottage cheese on top. If desired you can microwave peanut butter for 15-45 seconds (stir every 15 seconds) then pour into bag cut corner off and drizzle on cake.

This will make 12 cupcakes or 1 full cake.